I left the army after 11 years service with a couple of tours and promotions under my belt feeling apprehensive and a little bit bitter.
I ran away for a couple of years and worked security jobs abroad. After which I came back to the UK feeling more ‘normal’ and like I knew how to ‘fit in’ now.
After 5 years Close Protection and another 7 Years running my own Buisness I thought I’d done pretty well and had managed to escape ‘the suck’ unscathed.
I was wrong.
Things were beginning to become frayed at the edges. I thought I had a handle on it. I thought no-one else could tell.
I was wrong.
My amazing and very understanding wife told me it was my turn to go and get my head read!
You see for a couple of years I’ve been the secretary of my regimental association for the midlands and as the blokes had come to us with mounting mental health issues or in crisis we had been sending them on a course which seamed too have ‘fixed’ them.
So I reluctantly booked myself on a change course.
The change course was organised by a team who used a system for transition called Spectrum Transition Coaching, which was launched at the university of central Lancashire in 2013. It was created by a veteran who wanted to help other veterans to recover from PTSD or any other stress related problems. It is fully supported by research and creates behavioural change in a safe environment. It was a 3 day programme shared with a few others some of whom were veterans.
The programme involved individual one to one change sessions designed to let go of the emotions that tend to hold people back such as anger, guilt, fear etc. There was no need to share any content of my experience which I found to be quite a refreshing change and there was also a level of education that got me to understand why Ido what I do and what made me tick.
It worked
It turns out I had survivors guilt which had wormed its way into every part of my life that dealt with death or loss. I couldn’t talk about death without my throat closing up. If I thought about my dogs dying I’d have to quickly distract myself before I became a mess.
After the ‘Fix’ I felt a bit fussy and wasn’t sure if anything had changed.
An hour later I had a call from my dad telling me that my grandma had just passed away. The news made me sad and I will miss her but I suddenly thought thats ok, its what happens when we get old, she had a great life and was ready to go.
No tightness of chest, no throat closing up, no panic to change subjects! ‘Fixed’
After getting home I was able to talk about my old survivors guilt and why it had happened and I was telling anyone who would listen as I was so amazed at the change to my own emotions.
So I got qualified
I’m now a Spectrum Transition Coach and my aim is to help as many people as I can before my time on this little blue and green marble is over and I get called to the reorg.
If you or anyone you know are suffering then please get in touch.
Thanks for reading
Chris